they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
