I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
