Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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