can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
