i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
