Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
