He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
