Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
