if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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