when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
