i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
