make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
