just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
