if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
