So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
