Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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