its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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