I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
