i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
