They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i now understand why vodka
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
