Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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