the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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