you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
