i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
