Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
