I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Randomize
