I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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