when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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