Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How does it feel to date your dad?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
