Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
