A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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