youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
