dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
