ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
