your room smells of hookers.
And success
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
