i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
