You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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