Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Houston, we have a squirter
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
