My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
