Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Randomize
