he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
