So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
