you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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