and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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