He passed out mid-signature
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
