You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
