seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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