U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
