I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
