is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
