How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
