at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
