Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
